Seems our readers like puns. Well so do I. And this week I’m taking on beauty shops in an attempt at ‘dryer’ humor. Ouch! Hope you have as much fun as I did. Thanks for reading.
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Beauty Parlance
Salon … What Columbus said when he spotted land.
Shampoo… Way better than the real kind.
Tweeze … Gezundheit!
Coif … Goes with tweeze.
Toupee … Splitting the lunch bill.
Dye job … Undertaker.
Bleach … Miami, Palm and Long to name a few.
Manicure … What the urologist said.
Pedicure … What the veterinarian said.
Massage … Talk or text, up to you.
Scissors … Julius, salad, Palace and Sid.
Lacquer … Like him too.
Spa … And this is Ma.
Cuticle … Tickling a baby.
Nail Polish … Aka Nail Russian, Nail French etc. depending on where you are.
Cosmetics … Doctors who fly on space ships.
Hairdressing … I’ll skip the salad. Really gross.
Pancake … If you can’t say something nice, say nothing.
Split ends … Check human anatomy.
Bun … See split ends.
Pony tail … Black Beauty, The Black Stallion or Seabiscuit.
Collagen … Canned chicken broth or high school students after graduation.
Noncomedogenic … Fancy way to say it’s not funny.
Serum … How you cook steaks on the barbecue.
Shea Butter … O.K., “Butter.”
Frizz … When the outside temperature goes below 32 degrees
Copyright 2015 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.