Hilarious Fashion Trend Report from Harriet Posnak Lesser. That is all … Melody Lesser
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Five Shades of Gray
Fashion is a no-brainer this season. Here’s everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask about what’s “in” for winter 2014/15.
GRAY … So gray’s not your color. Makes you look washed out, sickly, depressed and (shudder) older. Well that’s just too bad, cookie. According to this year’s edition of “Hue’s Hue” – written and edited by me — gray is the fashion shade of the season and you’d better get used to it. THEY have turned their backs on green, red, orange and even plaid, a favorite of women who can’t make up their minds. Black. winter white and cobalt blue (a holdover from 2013) are making inroads — but gray rules.
BOOTS … Knee high, thigh high, ankle skimming or whatever, boots are the most important fashion of the season. According to Wikipedia, boots debuted in Asia around 1200 B.C. courtesy of Mongol invaders. According to yours truly, they peaked in 1966, courtesy of Nancy Sinatra. BTW, gray suede is the kinkiest shade for winter. (Cindi Lauper please make note.)
LONG SKIRTS … They’re back and a “must have” for trend groupies. Klutzes are warned to make sure their health insurance is paid up. Actuaries predict a rise in broken arms and legs, second only to the tragic days of 1989 when platform shoes made a comeback. Smart women are traveling in packs until the fad is over. Long-skirted fashion mavens are helping each other up and down stairwells and pushing friends onto buses. If you love to live on the brink, this style is for you. (Black is good, but gray is better.)
ZEBRA STRIPES … A great look, especially if you’re a zebra. Not so great for vertical petites like me. (Explanation: I don’t qualify horizontally.)
CASHMERE … It’s the softest and most luxurious of winter fibers, which explains the accent on the first syllable. But don’t let the price get your goat — it’s worth it. Cashmere, which had its heyday back in the 1940s and `50s, is once again the hot material of the season. No longer relegated to sweaters, it’s showing up in coats, jackets, dresses and scarves etc. Absolutely yummy in gray.
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Add it all up and what have you got? The average American woman (5 foot 4, 140 pounds) bopping around in a gray cashmere sweater with a long gray skirt covering legs that appear even shorter in low heeled boots. Ugg.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of this fashion dictatorship. The time has come for women to assert their independence and forget about what’s “in.” I’m going to remember that on my next shopping trip.
Which reminds me, anyone know where I can get a good buy on a gray cashmere sweater and long skirt? I’ve already got the matching boots.
Copyright 2014 HARRIET LESSER
ABOUT HARRIET LESSER
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.