In case you haven’t noticed (doubtful) you are living in the Age of Technology. How you deal with that reality is largely based on your chronological age. For me, it came as a shock. I had just figured out how to refill my Waterman’s fountain pen when the revolution hit. So for those readers who are in the same boat (a paddle propelled canoe) here’s a brief list of technology terms that may prove helpful.
Blue tooth … Time to change your toothpaste?
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Bugs and Bytes … No explanation needed. They obviously go together.
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Beta … Opposite of Worse-a.
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Access … Check out Lizzie Borden. Who? (Trust me. It’s an interesting bit of American crime history.)
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E-mail … An invitation to subscribe to Playboy or Esquire.
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Floppy disks … Get out the tape measure and check your bra size.
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Memory … See floppy disk above.
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Control panel … A good girdle.
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Laser … Get off the couch and go back to work.
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Database … Opposite of Disabase.
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Modem … Head of a house of ill repute.
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Matrix … See Modem above.
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Icon … So con I.
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Cellular phone … I tried, but nobody wants to buy it.
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Install … Answer to “Where’s the horse?”
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Megabyte … Hopefully she’ll outgrow it.
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Operating system … A team of surgeons.
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Purge … Barf?
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Message … A little lower and to the left, please.
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Spy-ware … Look under the table.
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Web master … The biggest spider in the bunch.
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Hacker … “Have you seen a doctor about that cough?”
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Launch … It comes between breakfast and dinner.
Copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.