I saw it in the Want Ads … or wish I had. Harriet Posnak Lesser blows the lid off classified ads. Enjoy! – ed.
ROUND THE CLOCK CABLE NEWS STATION now hiring proofreaders for streaming video. Must have super spelling skills. Send resumay and celery rekwirements to vidio editour.
ATTENTION LIQUOR COMPANIES. Major TV station seeking advertisers and product samples for taste tests. Be the first on your Bock to parcipitate in our ongoing research program. Our crommercails will knock your socks off, baby. Specially inerrested in martoonis, belloonies, mint jalopies and gin fuzzes. All cocktails welcome, but leave the parakoots home. Contact NBC for further infooo.
SPEECH THERAPIST WANTED for crash course in New Yorkese. If you know the difference between a diphthong and a dat thong, you got the job. Meet me at Toity Toid and Toid.
SUFFERING FROM MEMORY LOSS? Try our exclusive miracle drug Ginkaloobyloo E. For 100-day mail order supply, send checks to P.O. Box 456 (or 564 546?) somewhere or other in the U.S.A. or Canada. (Maybe Asia.) Geez!
EXPERIENCED TURNER WANTED as summer vacation replacement for current turner on popular TV quiz show. Must be semi-literate, photogenic and shorter than host. Write to h-rr—t l-ss-r c/o this publication, and hope for the best
CAN YOU SURVIVE IN THE WILD? TV reality show looking for 16 castaways to be marooned overnight in Central Park. One million dollars to the winner. Good luck (ha).
ARE YOU A DINOSAUR? Is life passing you by? Do you prefer rocks to jocks and ooze to Cruise? Those are my sediments too. If the Ice Age is your idea of the good old days, you’re the soul mate I’m searching for. Contact T. Rex and let’s Mesozoic around.
MISSING PERSONS DEPARTMENT. Trying to locate the Marlboro Man, Mr. Whipple and Josephine the Plumber. If you guys are reading this, come home, all is forgiven.
Attention readers: What is your least favorite commercial? Pls. write and let me know.)
Copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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