Ed. Note: I told Harriet Posnak Lesser, my political junkie of a columnist, who also happens to be my mother and who has won numerous New York Press Association awards for her political coverage, to refrain from covering the subject for EverBeautiful.com. That’s not what we’re about, I said. But, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and I, a political junkie myself thought that for this holiday weekend which is, after all, the original political statement we could all use a primer – and a good laugh – at the political system. So, Happy July 4th which also happens to be my mother’s birthday. Coincidence? I think not! Enjoy her take on our political system. – Melody Lesser
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I promised my editor that I would never write about politics, but since the upcoming election is clouded in doubt, dissemblance and distraction, some clarification is needed. So as a public service to confused voters, I am offering my personal dictionary of political terms …
Anarchy … You know, like the Archy of Triomphy in Paris.
Affidavit … Affidavit came Solomon.
Autonomy … I don’t own that car.
Ballot … Classical dance that keeps performers on their toes.
Bigot … Every faucet has one.
Bill of Rights … For Conservatives only. (Bill of Lefts is for the Liberal crowd.)
Bicameral … Someone who owns two cameras.
By-law … Your spouse’s family.
Cabinet … Where you store your good china.
Common law… i.e. Don’t spit on the sidewalk.
Deficit? … Hard of hearing?
Exchange rate … Two for you and one, two, for me.
Gerrymander … Sallymander’s brother.
Grandfather clause … Santa’s granddad – or tell the old man to clip his finger nails.
Gubernatorial … The Planters Peanut man gives a speech..
Mandate … Usually a woman, but not always.
Monopoly … See Parker Brothers
Ombudsman … I’m your gardener.
Plutocracy … Disney dog rules.
Poll … Born in Pinsk or Minsk or maybe Warsaw.
Absentee … Anyone seen my tee shirt?
Caucus … What champagne bottles would say if they could talk.
Dark Horse … Secretariat, Seabiscuit and Man O’War.
Pundit … Me.
Copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.