Packing is the worst part of going on vacation; so I always make a list of must-takes.
Here’s my latest:
Toothbrush, toothpaste, makeup, cleansing cream, 25 pounds of moisturizer. Check.
Laxative, anti-diarrheal. (I believe in playing both ends against the middle.) Check.
Insect repellent, mosquito netting for bed, Venus flytrap. Check.
Allergy pills, anti-itch cream, calamine lotion, sun hat with heavy veil, just in case. Check.
Six books from the New York Times best seller list — just in case. Check.
Sixty tops in different shades of pink and 50 pairs of washable jeans. (My mother told me I look awful in pink, but it’s very in this year. So what the heck…) Check.
Thirty five pairs of pink shoes with handbags to match. Check.
Twelve non-crotch flashing swimsuits in assorted colors with built in long line bras. Check.
One dozen metal cork screws and bottle openers in assorted shapes and sizes, one cocktail shaker. Half a case of salted peanuts and three bottles of pitted olives. Check.
Two golf clubs, one tennis racquet, two pool cues and one fencing sword. Check.
Four ice hockey sticks (never know who you’re going to meet and I love team sports). Check.
Four lacrosse sticks (see ice hockey above). Check.
Two cross country ski poles. (Can’t wait to get on that plane. I hear the weather’s great in Miami this time of year.) Check.
***
Postscript: I was arrested by Port Authority police and missed my flight. Seems I was allowed only three ounces of Chanel Number Five. Sent letter of complaint to Brad Pitt who wrote back saying “Every journey ends but we go on. Plans disappear, dreams take over.” Wha? Try telling that to Angelina.
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.