My recent article on the Brooklyn Dodgers apparently struck a home run. For readers who are not baseball literate, here’s a brief intro to America’s other game.
Inning: Opposite of outing, like playing stick ball in your own backyard instead of someone else’s.
Farm team: Chickens, cows, horses, etc.
Bull pen: A place to keep cattle. (See farm team above.)
Pitch: A really hateful female fan.
Wild pitch: The scariest kind of really hateful female fan.
Base on balls: Running around the bases and scoring a home run after hitting a ground ball. (Takes a lot of guts.)
Umpire: New hit TV show starring Taraji P. Henson and Terrence Howard. (Dynasty redux. LOVE it.)
Batboy: Aka Robin. (For further information, contact Bruce Wayne c/o DC Comics)
Perfect game: When your team wins.
Defense: What you’re not supposed to jump over to sneak into the ball park.
Designated hitter: “He threw the first punch, Mom. Honest!”
Slide: There’s Electric, Cha Cha and plain. If you love to dance, this is for you.
Pinch hit: Don’t feel guilty. He deserved it.
Scoring position: See pinch hit.
Squeeze play: See scoring position and pinch hit.
Slump: Didn’t your mother tell you to stand up straight?
Hitting streak: “My beautician missed and got peroxide in my eye.”
Copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.