Attention fashionistas: In response to overwhelming reader demand (thank you, Melody) here is my bi-annual summer trends article. (Puffer coats and wool hats depress me, so I always skip the winter trends column.)
Look for a return to the 1980s. And the best place to look is the black garbage bag you meant to donate to your favorite charity 20 years ago. Reclaim those Bermuda shorts and knee high socks. If you dig deep enough you may even find your favorite Dynasty jacket with the outsized shoulder pads. Joan Collins where are you? Bring out those parachute pants; strut around in your Doc Martens; turn in your smart phone for a digital watch, and top it all off with lots of sparkly junk jewelry and a pair of metal framed granny glasses. How gnarly can you get?
Invest in a slip dress. Wear your underwear on the outside this summer and make sure it’s see through. Environmentalists please note: Here’s your chance to be cool and hot at the same time – while saving a small fortune in air conditioning bills.
Go for the glitz. This is your season to shine from head to toe. Sequins vie for attention with gleamy, dreamy silk, satin and lame. And for the first time ever, we are seeing clothing made of aluminum foil. (A word to the wise: Avoid summer barbecues.)
Move over Queen Elizabeth. The tiara is no longer your exclusive domain. Females of all ages will be outdoing each other to get a ‘head’ start. Be bold, wear your tiara everywhere, including a shopping trip to the supermarket. Look elegant while buying deodorant and stop traffic in the toilet tissue aisle.
Beauty is … Frizzy hair and bright red lipstick are the rule for summer 2016 according to leading style experts. What’s that? You look terrible in bright red lipstick and you like your hair stick straight? Tough. You can always try the orange hair, orange makeup pumpkin thing that’s become so popular nowadays. The decision is yours.
Copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.