My microwave oven zapped its final zap last week and I can’t believe how much I miss it. Years ago, when my kids first suggested I buy one I hissed, “WaddamI gonna do with it?” They’d heard that line before. I had said the same thing about the VCR, the cordless telephone, the answering machine and the computer. All of which are now permanent, must-have, can’t-live-without fixtures in my home.
I’ve always resisted change. If people like me ran the country, there’d be no space program, no supersonic planes, no liposuction. Back in the 1950’s, I was sure television would never catch on — and I cried for a week when 78 RPM records became obsolete. I’m a placid, happy person who loves the status quo. Movers and shakers make me nervous; scientific advances confuse me. The only time disks and chips get my attention is when they’re covered with chocolate.
But I am trying to change with the times and have become totally dependent on things that beep, flash and hum — those electronic comforts that are a must for upwardly mobile American families. (Have you ever heard of a downwardly mobile American family?) I blame it on outside influences — like the immediate world. I had been getting along fine on my 40-year-old electric typewriter which I finally mastered in 1992. Nobody would have guessed that I’d been prematurely weaned off an ancient Royal manual for which I gave up my Bic ballpoint and before that my Waterman’s fountain pen and blue/black ink. But quicker than you could say Disc Operating System, I was using a computer and loving it.
There’s no doubt that modern science has altered my life. I love technology, but I’m about as mechanical as Charlie McCarthy without Edgar Bergen, or, in deference to my younger readers — Howdy Doody without Bob Smith.
It took me six months to figure out how to use my first TV remote – and I hesitated to switch channels without checking the manual. But I have been keeping up with the times. My life has been enriched by a VCR, cordless telephone, answering machine, computer and an appliance that turns out waffles in the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head. Last week I bought a slicer that can cut your average bagel into 10 see-through slivers –and I am the proud owner of a burglar-friendly alarm system that goes off only when the dog barks.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, aka my grown children and grandchildren, I’m learning to cope with progress and adapt it to my lifestyle. I’m even thinking about buying a fax machine. I could use it for so many different things. Like getting my dog to the vet. The poor little guy just hates driving the car.
Copyright 2015 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.