My sister Ruth Golub and I collaborated on this Mother’s Day article some time back. In tribute to my mother and my sister, I am repeating it this year.
To appreciate the things our mother said, it’s important to know something about her. Gertrude Greene was born on the Lower East Side of Manhattan early in the 20th century. She loved the English language and classic literature. Her favorite writers were Shakespeare, Dickens, Longfellow, Whittier and Emerson — and she quoted them often. Ruth narrowly missed going through life with the name Rhodora after the Ralph Waldo Emerson poem; and Harriet’s middle name Edith is right out of The Children’s Hour. (Except she didn’t have golden hair until she reached 18. And that was thanks to Clairol, not Longfellow.) Other stock phrases came from Mother’s friend Elsie. The rest are of unknown origin. Including the oft used “So go know” which can probably be attributed to Elsie.
Herewith are some of the things our mother said:
We are lost, the captain shouted as he staggered down the stairs. (The Captain’s Daughter by James T. Fields. Great poem, check it out.)
The boy stood on the burning deck, his feet were full of blisters. He tore his pants on a rusty nail and now he wears his sister’s.
Mabel, Mabel, sweet and able, get your elbows off the table.
Cheap is dear.
If in doubt, throw it out.
Your own life is over when you have children.
Button your neck, it’s cold outside. (Elsie or maybe Molly Goldberg)
Do you want your face to freeze that way?
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. (Julius Caesar, Shakespeare)
Don’t leave home without lipstick on. You never know who you’ll meet.
A woman has to be pretty, but a man can look worse than a monkey and still get a girl.
Listen my children and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere. (Paul Revere’s Ride, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)
Never talk to a stranger unless you know him. (Elsie)
Empty barrels make the most noise.
Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once. (Willie the Shake again.)
Excelsior! (Longfellow from the poem of the same name.)
Eureka, eureka, I have found it! (Archimedes. How’d he get in here?)
To each his own, said the old lady as she kissed the cow.
Barkis is willin’. (David Copperfield, Charles Dickens.)
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.
Whistling girls and crowing hens never come to very good ends.
Do I look resentable? (Elsie)
Always put the cap back on the toothpaste.
Who touches a hair of yon gray head, dies like a dog. March on, he said. (Barbara Frietchie, John Greenleaf Whittier)
Don’t stick your head in the oven. (And throughout her life, Ruth, a fabulous cook, used extra care around ovens.)
Ed Note: I remember my grandmother saying all of these things. My grandmother was smart and well-read and I had the pleasure of having her in my life into my 30s. It was she who began my love affair with classic literature. At the age of eight, I’d sit at her knee while she’d read Shakespeare’s sonnets aloud. Oh, but it wasn’t all about great literature. My grandmother, who lived with us for a few years after my grandfather died and with whom, during that time, I shared a bedroom, also introduced me to the TV show, Peyton Place and late night talk shows. But, shhh. To this day, I don’t think my mom knows.
©HARRIET POSNAK LESSER 2015
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.