I love end-of-the-year-lists, especially ones that deal with fashion. Who doesn’t? So, for your – and my – reading pleasure, here’s Harriet Lesser Posnak‘s Worst Dressed List for 2014. Enjoy! – Melody
**************************************************************************
Here it is folks — the 2014 list of worst-dressed people, according to Harrietta Morer, fashion maven, trend-setter, party-giver and winner of the 1954 Oppenheim Collins, Namm-Loeser award for crinoline design.
QUEEN ELIZABETH … C’mon, Queenie, get with the century. Buy some new clothes already! And stop trying to hide behind your great-great-great grandmother’s jewelry. Nobody over 50 should wear a tiara. Treat yourself to something new like a genuine fake pearl necklace or a 20-carat cubic zirconia ring. (A word to the wise: Stay out of the Tower of London and get yourself a real jewelry box.)
HILLARY CLINTON … For a person who travels a lot, you have no fashion sense. Next time you’re in Paris, check out the designer shmattas. And get a professional to do your makeup. Lady Gaga could maybe help you out. Do your fans and your country a favor. Send those campaign oufits to Queen Elizabeth. It’ll help English-American relations – and even people who aren’t related.
RAND PAUL … Get some attitude. Do like the movie stars. Show up at your next fund raiser in a black velvet tux and satin shirt. Or try the grunge look. Roll around in dirt before you walk into the Senate. Everybody else does. The curly hair’s gotta go too. If you start now, you could have a pony tail by the time the New Hampshire primary rolls around.
BATMAN … Time for a change, babe. You been with us a lotta years, but you still look like a fly-by-night. Black sweat suits and bat ears are out. If you don’t get my meaning — wing it. And I hate to tell you this, but your mask needs a nose job.
MILEY CYRUS … Stop running around in your underwear. Keep your thong where it belongs — inside your pants. And eat something, f’heavens sake. You look like a lollipop with hair.
PHARRELL WILLIAMS … You got talent, you’re cute, but what’s with the cat in the big hat shtick? You got a thing for mushrooms? Scale down. Maybe you’d be Happy in a beanie or a baseball cap. Try it, I guarantee you won’t feel like a room without a roof.
©2014 Harriet Lesser
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:
Cat Lady Chic – It’s a Thing Now
Best and Worst Looks from the Met Gala
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.