You can learn a lot from watching TV commercials. Just ask Harriet Posnak Lesser who shares what she’s learned with you … Enjoy! – Melody Lesser
What I Learned from TV Commercials …
Prescriptions drugs are great, if you’re willing to put up with headaches, nausea, dizziness, rashes, loss of appetite, pain, sweating, fatigue and diminished sexual function. They are not recommended for people with liver disease, esophagitis, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, acne, in-grown toenails and halitosis. And they are especially problematic if you’re pregnant, ever were pregnant or know somebody who is pregnant or plans to be pregnant in the near or distant future.
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Attention hunky guys. Looking for love in all the wrong places? Get rid of the nose hair. And if you’re sure SHE is the love of your life, take that final step toward togetherness and let her snip it for you.
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Looking for a new car? Ask a horde of oversized, oversexed but super talented giant hamsters to make the decision for you. The message here is trust your ‘Animals’ instincts. And in case you didn’t know, Maroon is the color of the year.
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Birds know more about insurance than people do. The next time you want info on a policy, ask a duck.
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Are you a boring conversationalist? If you want to star at a dinner party, talk about the laxatives your husband takes. That’s especially effective when his boss is the host. If you can’t manage that, volunteer the info while traveling on a tour bus.
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Minor eye problems? There’s a wonder cure that will make your brown eyes bright blue. As an added bonus, everyone in the immediate vicinity will become blue eyed including your doctor.
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Marital problems got you down? Try sex enhancing drugs. Within no time, you’ll be laughing and giggling together over absolutely nothing. The takeaway? A diminished IQ is a small price to pay for great sex.
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All dogs and cats know how to sing and dance and brown bears are particular about their brand of toilet paper.
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Matthew McConaughey talks to himself while driving and that’s no bull; Brad Pitt is hooked on cologne; Ditto Charlize Theron who thinks she sees dead movie stars; Jennifer Aniston uses moisturizer for makeup; Jamie Lee Curtis never has a tummy ache; Katy Perry used to have acne and Wilford Brimley still has diabetes.
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Having a heart attack? Take an aspirin.
©2014 HARRIET LESSER
ABOUT HARRIET LESSER
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.