Attention fall fashion fanatics. Here’s everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask about what’s “in” for fall 2014.
GRAY … Uh oh. So gray’s not your color. Makes you look washed out, sickly, depressed and (shudder) older. Well that’s just too bad. According to the guys and gals who make the rules, gray is the fashion shade for autumn and you’d better get used to it. Style setters have turned their backs on purple, orange, black and even plaid — a favorite of women who can’t make up their minds. Gray rules, but according to one fashion publication, ‘sangria’ and ‘cognac’ are making headway. I’ll drink to that.
BOOTS … 2014 will go down in fashion history as the year of flat-heeled boots and shoes. From thigh high to ankle low, well-dressed women are putting their money on their metatarsals. A word to the wise: Get a leg up – or down – on this trend, but gray suede is a must.
LONG SKIRTS … Urgent warning to klutzes: Make sure your health insurance is paid up. Actuaries predict a rise in broken arms and legs, second only to the tragic days of the 1990s when platform shoes made a comeback. Smart women everywhere are traveling in packs until the fad is over. Long-skirted fashion mavens are helping each other on stairwells and pushing friends into buses. If you love to live on the brink, this style is for you. (Black is good, but gray is better.)
SWEATER SETS … Get out your bobby sox and saddle shoes. We’re retro-ing all the way back to the 1940s. The look is pretty much the same, a jewel-necked sweater and matching cardigan. Chic women are investing in sets of different colors. If you can afford only one, make sure it’s gray – and gray.
CASHMERE … Cashmere (accent on the ‘cash’) is making a big comeback this fall. It’s regarded by many (including me) as the softest and most luxurious of wools, so don’t let the price get your goat. And if you’re thinking cashmere this year, think gray.
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Add it all up and what have you got? The average woman (5 foot 4, 160 pounds) bopping around in a twin sweater set and a long skirt covering legs that look even shorter in flat boots/and or shoes. Double ugh. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of this fashion dictatorship. The time has come for women to assert their independence and forget about what’s “in.” I’m going to remember that on my next shopping trip.
Meanwhile, anyone know where I can get a good buy on a gray cashmere sweater set and long gray skirt? I’ve already got the tennis shoes to match.
Copyright 2014 HARRIET LESSER
ABOUT HARRIET POSNAK LESSER
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’sThe South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.