Harriet Posnak Lesser takes on the movies, old movies, specifically. I bet you can guess the plots just from these one-liners.
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Movie Madness
by Harriet Posnak Lesser
Watching old movies can be a suspense-free way to relax and enjoy. Thanks to what I call “clue-ins,” you can usually predict what’s going to happen next. Here are some examples:
“I thought I heard a strange sound coming from the mummy’s tomb.”
“What did you say your name is young man?” … “It’s Lincoln, sir. Abraham Lincoln.”
“Strange thing about our new neighbors, Polly. They never go out in the daytime.”
“Look Paw, there are strange lights in the cornfield.”
“Why were six strangers like us invited to this isolated old mansion? (Oops, make that five strangers like us.)”
“Romeo, Juliet,” … “Juliet, Romeo.”
“We don’t need a key. The door to her apartment is unlocked.”
“Go back to the precinct, and don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
“Nah, I’m not angry with you, old pal. And to prove it, I’ve arranged for my personal driver to take you home.”
“You’ll be safe here, Mary. Someone will be guarding the door all night.”
“I know who the killer is. Meet me in the deserted warehouse at midnight and I’ll tell you everything.”
“Her name is Anne, your majesty. Anne Boleyn. And I hear she’s got quite a head on her shoulders.”
“There’s ain’t no such thing as zombies, Clyde. Grandpa just needs a shower and a good airing.”
“I wonder what kind of animal made those giant footprints.”
“Yes son, mother and I are finally going on that cruise. The name of the ship? I believe it’s The Titanic.”
“Timmy’s been kidnapped by a pack of hungry mountain lions. Go fetch, Lassie.”
“I see a deserted house up ahead. We can hold our sorority meeting there until the storm ends.”
“Let me go on stage in her place. I know all the words and dance routines.”
“The bomb will go off in 22 seconds. Should I cut the red wire, the blue wire or the green wire?”
“What are those two strange marks on her neck?”
“You go on ahead, Professor. I’ll stay in the lab with the giant pea pod.”
“Thanks for walking me ‘ome, kind stranger. Three other prostitutes was murdered by Jack the Ripper on this very street.”
“Sorry Mr. Berlin, but ‘White Christmas’ will never make the hit parade.”
“Where did everybody go?”
©HARRIET POSNAK LESSER 2014
ABOUT HARRIET POSNAK LESSER
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’sThe South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.