Procrastinators’ Month is one of my favorite annual events. It’s a reminder to all you ‘putter-offers’ out there that the time has come to stand up and be counted. Here’s your chance to turn over a new leaf and while you’re at it — pick up those philodendron droppings that have been on the carpet since last February.
You know who you are. You’re the people who delay writing thank you notes, sending holiday greetings, acknowledging birthdays, babies and hospital stays. You’re the ones who never have anything to wear because you didn’t bring your clothes to the cleaner. You’re the last minute shoppers who hunt for that “must have” party outfit on the afternoon of the event. You’re the dinner party hosts who serve guests at midnight. You’re the super-relaxed, laid back types who are always at sixes and sevens. Make that nines and tens.
Let’s face it. You didn’t get that way overnight. You began your procrastinating ways in kindergarten when you were always the last kid to return blocks to the cubby. Your course was charted back then and you continued on it throughout your academic career. You never handed your homework in on time and term papers were finished half an hour before class started. Remember those all-nighters on the eve of finals? You waited until the eleventh (thirteenth?) hour to begin the required reading. You passed English Lit. through the grace of Classic Comics. You really believed that Moby Dick and Captain Ahab had balloons coming out of their mouths. Sure, you could have used Cliff Notes, but by the time you got to the bookstore, they were sold out.
You’ve always been and still are late for every date, family gathering and doctor’s appointment. If you’re a mother, you delivered your babies at least one week after your due date – and brought a new generation of procrastinators into the world. If you’re a father, you got to the hospital a couple of hours after the big event. No matter, you missed every Lamaze class and would only have been in the way.
You live by the credo, “Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.” Procrastinators do have some positive qualities, however. You’re up on what’s happening in the world because you watch lots of television and use your spare time to read magazines and surf the net instead of writing those aforementioned thank you notes, holiday greetings, etc. Your expertise in daydreaming and people watching has given you an in-depth understanding of human nature. Because you act only when pushed to the wall, you thrive on deadlines, an uncomfortable work style , but one that does not interfere with your prolificacy. (I’m not sure there is such a word, but I’ll look it up some other time.)
So happy Procrastinators’ Month. And remember, it’s never too late to change your ways. In the meantime, see you next year, same place, same time – March 1 through 31. Oops! Later.
©2015 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.